Diets

I have decided to go on a diet (another one) and loose some of this excess weight i am carrying around.  Have decided to try the cambridge diet and see how it goes, i went and collected my supplements from the counsellor who went through everything with me and i think am ready to do this.  I will start on monday and see how it goes. I am determined this type as i want to change myself and get the confidence to do the things i feel i could not do becoz of my weight.  I am doing it for my health and also to be vain, i wanna fit into that dress in my wardrobe that i havent worn for about 2 yrs, i wanna wear that jeans in my closet that i absolutely adore.  well, will see how it goes from monday, GOOD LUCK TO ME AND WILL KEEP YOU POSTED. 

ALONE

Wow, what can i say. Loneliness is a disease, Its eating me up inside and i don't know which way to turn.  Am stuck in a big old house on my own looking at the four walls with nothing to do.  it just feels like my life is just work, home, work, home.  Can't seem to fill it with anything else, i do not make friends that easily and it feels like all my old friends have moved on.  I call them but no one seems to call me or return my calls.  Its always the same story (sorry was at work or something like that).  Since i got married about a year ago and moved to another town, all my friends seem to have stopped talking to me, i guess you could say we eloped and got married in the Bahamas just the two of us.  Since my friends and family found out that we eloped, they have hardly spoken to us.  Its quite sad really that they all expected more from us but didn't get it, they  all try to influence my decisions which ever way they can and i guess they were shocked that i could do something like this without telling them.

Thought been married was great and a great partnership, don't get me wrong.  I love my husband very much but he travels all the time and i am so lonely without him that life has become so unbearable, i am distracted all the time, the only time I seem normal now is when i am at work.  There is no one in my friends/family that i can talk to as they will start going on and on about the fact that they were not there when we got married or this and that.

I can't really tell my husband how i feel because i understand how important his career is to him as well.  Being lonely, it makes it so easy to do something stupid like hook up with other guys but i am not into things like that.  There is no one in my life that i could say was my hero in the marriage department as all the men in my family have cheated on their wives at a certain time in their marriage.  Even my father has cheated on the mother, but they are not aware of the fact that i know about it as i was told by my aunt.

There is an ex boyfriend who still calls me even though i am married and tells me that he loves me, he will wait for me and that i am his soul mate.  Because i am so lonely without my husband i enjoy hearing this from him as it makes me smile, i know its wrong and i will never leave my husband for him but i can't help myself. I know he is an ex for reason and i don't want to be one of those people who cheat on their other halves because of distance.

WHAT AM I GONNA DO?

CONFUSED

Do u sometimes wonder who you are and all you are about?  well i do.  it happens so often that i drive myself crazy and get so distracted by it.  i guess as a 30yr old female i should already know me, but i am still trying to figure out what me is all about.  i have some would say great family and friends but that just makes me worst as i don't believe that they are so great and supportive.  Growing up in Africa was great, now growing up in England is great but were do i fit in,  i am so confused its unbelievable.  i am so happy that i grew up partly in Africa, but growing up in the western world has also taught me so much that i feel like i am stuck in the middle.  I KNOW IT SOUNDS RIDICULOUS, but dats me for you.